I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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