When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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