a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
