Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
