How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
