May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
