i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
