I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
