i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
