you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
