If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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