i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
