I'm sorry my penis didn't work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
