Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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