When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
