I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
