so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
