Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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