Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
