I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
