my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
