on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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