My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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