I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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