Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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