You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
