Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
