You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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