your room smells of hookers.
And success
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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