So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
