i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
