i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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