I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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