I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
