This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
