the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
