i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
