glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
