omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
