don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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