He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
