I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
