Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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