Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
