Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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