upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
