I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize