A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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