and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
