You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
