You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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