i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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