I smell stomach acid.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
