You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Never underestimate the power of titties
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
