After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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