John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
