Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bring me that man meat
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
