i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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