the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
