Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
