So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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