Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
