There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want nice things and good sex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
