Are we in a gay sports bar?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize