swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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