I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
