you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it because I queefed?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
