Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
