i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
