we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
