Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
