she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
