apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
