His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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