I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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