I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
