Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
