If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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