I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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