Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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