I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize