Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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