very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
