My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
