Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So many bounce houses so little time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She told me I should be a condom model.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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