i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
