I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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