haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
