Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I forget how to act sober
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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