ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
