i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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