i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
