I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
