remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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