I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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