"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My bed smells like the plague
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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