my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
