Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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