Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
